The Role of Cognitive Dissonance in a Narcissistic Relationship
When you’re in an abusive relationship, there are a lot of feelings, emotions, and actions that can be confusing at times. You can experience cognitive dissonance through the manipulation tactics acted on by your abuser. It can put you in a constant state of confusion, from one moment feeling love and admiration from your partner to wondering if they are angry or hateful. It can be overwhelming and traumatizing.
It’s hard to keep up with the constant changes in your feelings and emotions throughout the relationship. Healing from an abusive or narcissistic relationship involves a better understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and everything you endured to find peace.
Read on to learn more about cognitive dissonance, how to recognize the signs, and how to learn to overcome it and become confident in your beliefs, values, feelings, and thoughts as you work towards healing.
What is Cognitive Dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance is a type of discomfort you can experience in a narcissistic relationship when you are faced with multiple beliefs, ideas, and values that seem contradictory. You can see one thing and believe another. Narcissists often use cognitive dissonance to their advantage through gaslighting by confusing and manipulating your thoughts and behaviors.
While you may have experienced one thing, a narcissist will persuade you to question your beliefs and even make you question your reality. They will often call you “crazy,” shifting blame in the situation, confusing you, and eventually making you feel guilty. They do this to maintain power and control in the situation, no matter the cost to your emotional state and overall well-being.
Recognizing Cognitive Dissonance
Understanding when you are experiencing or have experienced cognitive dissonance is not easy. When you’re in an abusive relationship, so much of your energy is spent focusing on your survival it’s easy for your self-awareness to begin to fade. Some signs that you may be or may have experienced cognitive dissonance include:
- Feeling guilting over decisions made in the past
- Rationalizing or justifying behaviors
- Fearful of making decisions
- Withdrawing from friends, family, and colleagues,
- Difficulty trusting your own memory of experiences and conversations
Recognizing the signs is the first step in the path to recovery and regaining your sense of self.
Resolving Cognitive Dissonance
Overcoming cognitive dissonance takes work and understanding as you work towards a place of healing. While it can be overwhelming when you have no control, cognitive dissonance can help you perceive the world and your inner emotions more clearly. It involves helping you become self-aware and assured of your actions and emotions as you live your life purposefully and clearly. Making small changes and shifts in your thinking can lead you to discover your genuine values, learn to hold fast, and stay true to yourself.
As a survivor, your feelings, thoughts, emotions, and actions will need to be validated and confirmed, making you feel confident and self-assured. Whether through verbal communication or journaling, putting everything into words can help you take control of your narrative and help you move through your emotions as you take control of your life.
Working through your cognitive dissonance takes a lot of internal work and self-awareness to help you on the path to recovery and reduce your trauma and anxiety. You can recognize when you start noticing patterns of losing sight of yourself and make these corrections in your actions through deeper self-knowledge. Remember what you stand for, what you observe, and how you feel, and make corrections that align with your values. While we may grow and evolve throughout life, holding true to your core values and beliefs can be done by resolving your cognitive dissonance.
Healing from a traumatic relationship can be challenging, and finding support as you heal can help you move forward more effectively in your life. As a professional trained in helping people recover from trauma and narcissistic abuse in relationships, my Relationship Recovery Program can help you identify the abuse you have endured. My course can help you resolve cognitive dissonance through activities designed to help you find healing from an emotionally abusive or narcissistic relationship.
You can also listen to my podcast, Relationship Recovery Podcast, as you work to heal from narcissistic and abusive relationships. I cover all aspects of emotional abuse to help you learn and feel supported on your journey. Start with my episode Trauma Bonding and How We Can Heal, and go from there.
