Narcissistic or emotionally abusive people in your life can feel entitled and often overstep your boundaries and hurt you emotionally and physically. Setting healthy boundaries is essential when forming a strong relationship with anyone, whether it’s your partners, parents, or friends.
Boundaries are how you want to be treated and are a way to take better care of yourself when managing a narcissistic or emotionally abusive person in your life. Learning how to first set those rules in place can be a challenge, especially with the type of response it can produce in people.
For the most part, when you communicate your boundaries to someone in your life, they will respect and honor those boundaries. Narcissistic people will do everything in their power to resist, from arguing to blaming and even threatening and physically harming.
While you can’t predict or prevent someone from reacting negatively when you set your boundaries, you can learn how to set boundaries to better take care of yourself. Read on to learn how you can start to set boundaries with a narcissistic emotional abuser.
Tips to Help You Set Boundaries
It can take time and effort to truly define your boundaries. These tips can help you constructively set healthy boundaries with a narcissistic person in your life.
Choose the Line – Before you set boundaries, you have to choose where to draw the line. What actions and behaviors are unacceptable in your life? Your boundaries are your own, and you don’t have to give any explanation for drawing that line and choosing to walk away when they cross it.
Stay Calm – Speaking with a narcissist will be difficult as telling them what they can and cannot do can trigger them, especially if you are not calm when informing them. The best way to prevent the situation from escalating is to remain calm while setting boundaries.
Stand Firm – Narcissists and emotionally abusive people will fight and argue and try to convince you that you are overreacting. With the barrage of attacks, it can be unpleasant and hard not to second guess. Stand firm in your boundaries and remain calm.
Enforce Your Exit Strategy – Because it can be extremely challenging dealing with an emotionally abusive or narcissistic person, you have every right to walk away and end the conversation. When a narcissist is confusing, casting blame, and being argumentative, leaving can sometimes be the only option for a positive outcome.
Try Not to React – Abusive people thrive on the reaction you have to their behaviors and actions. Avoid letting them see how they are affecting you and ignore them. When they see they aren’t getting the response they want, they may not back down immediately, but it does help prevent the situation as time passes.
Breathe and Check in With Yourself – Setting your boundaries is hard. When you’ve dealt with years of abuse, it’s not easy to stand up for yourself. You’re so focused on their feelings and actions that you forget to care for yourself. Take a deep breath and note your feelings and what you want. Knowing how you feel can take power away from narcissists as they try to overwhelm and manipulate you.
Setting a Boundary Must Include Consequences – When you set a boundary, there needs to be a consequence for the actions if they continue. You have to be strong enough to enforce them when your boundaries are blatantly ignored. You may have to communicate your boundaries a few times after you set them but decide when enough is enough.
Setting boundaries with someone in your life who is narcissistic or emotionally abusive is never easy. But they are vital in helping you care for yourself and develop healthy relationships with those you want in your life.
These tips can help you learn, but the more resources you have, the more confident you will feel. I offer a boundaries course that can walk you through how to set healthy boundaries with a toxic person in your life. You can find out more information here.
My podcast, Relationship Recovery Podcast, provides insights and advice for any situation in your life when you’re struggling with emotional abuse or narcissistic partners. Listen to my episode on How to Set Boundaries with an Abuser for a deep dive into boundaries and why they are important.
